im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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