At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
