I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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