I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
