just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
