I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
