Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
