When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
