i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
