You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
