tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
