Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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