i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
