I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
