i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
