I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can't put those talents on a resume
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize