He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
