wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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