Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
