ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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