he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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