I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
