My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
