I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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