Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This baby is an asshole
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
