I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
