Say something about gay babies.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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