I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
