Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
