Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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