Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
