eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
