I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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