she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
