I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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