I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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