boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
