What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize