So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
