so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
