the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
