I hate your face
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
