My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
