Quick, to the slutcave!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize