sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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