we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
