Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
