Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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