Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize