Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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