she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
