Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
