How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
sex in a hospital.. check
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
