No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
