i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize