So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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