You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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