your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
