the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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