There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
