I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
