do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
