life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
