Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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