He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
