Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
