youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
