were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
