I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
