so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
