I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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