Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it wasn't lemon gatorade
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
