I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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