A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
