Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
