I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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