Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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