took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
