i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
