I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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