you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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