i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
